| Location | Washington |
| Age | 17 years |
| Cause of Death | Suicide |
| Date of Birth | 23/01/1978 |
| Date of Death | 08/05/1995 |
| Visitors | 1,707 since 24/10/2009 |
| Creator |
Bill came out to us as bisexual when he was 14. He was afraid to tell us, because he knew that other kids had told their parents and that their parents had disowned them or reacted in other ways that were frightening.
On the way to the third support group meeting, he had met a man from the group who was 20 years old and who told Bill he was a member of another support group for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered youth. He talked Bill into getting off the bus to go to his house "to borrow a book". When they got there he made Bill have sex with him. Bill was only a 14 year old kid who didn't expect this, didn't know what to do, and he was unable to stop it. He came home that day and pretended he had gone to that meeting because he didn't want to admit to anyone - especially himself - what had happened.
It took the police a long time to find the man. When they finally questioned him he confessed to exactly what Bill had said. Then he got a lawyer, plead not guilty at his arraignment, and managed to avoid jail and court until a month after Bill died. (He finally went to prison for 13 months.) So, Bill would see him around town -- which aggravated the post-traumatic stress he was in counseling for. There were times when Bill would suddenly take a nose dive into severe depression for no apparent reason. Later we would find out that it was because he had seen this man on the bus or at the movies. Bill was so depressed and suicidal at one point that he spent some time in the hospital.
On April 6, 1995, Sam and his girlfriend, Jenny, were walking with Bill near their high school to Jenny's house to watch a video they had rented. Four guys -- one of whom knew Bill and Sam because he was in the same high school (and had gone to their middle school before that) -- followed them in a car and yelled things I will not repeat related to sexual orientation. Bill and his friends ignored them and decided to walk through the high school campus, thinking it would be safer because the gate was closed. The four guys drove off, but they parked the car nearby, because the next thing Bill and his friends knew, they came up on foot and surrounded them. They said "You wanna fight?" Bill, Sam and Jenny tried to walk away -- they didn't want to fight at all.
The four then brutally assaulted Bill and Sam, kicking and beating them both into unconsciousness while Jenny screamed at them to stop. It was broad daylight during Spring break.
When they regained consciousness a minute after the attackers left; Bill, Sam and Jenny ran to the school custodian's office and called the police and then their families. They were taken to the emergency room where we met them. Bill had abrasions and bruises. They thought he might have kidney damage, but he didn't. Sam was a mess too, with a broken nose and many bruises.
We thought he was going to make it - he seemed to handle things really well until after the rally, and then he crashed back into depression. He was suicidal again - it was too much. The assault sent him right back into the place he had fought so hard to get out of. He suddenly became depressed and suicidal, and we had to put him in the hospital again. While he was in the hospital he heard that a friend of his was gay-bashed at school in a nearby town.
After about 10 days he came home. We and his doctors in the hospital thought he had gotten past being suicidal. But Bill took a massive overdose on May 8th. Alec found him unconscious on the kitchen floor and had him rushed to the hospital, but they couldn't save him.
He didn't leave a suicide note, but he had said to me before he was hospitalized after the rally that he was just tired of coping. It was the constant knowledge that at any time he could be attacked again simply because of who he was, that at any time his friends could be attacked for the same reason, that despite the love of his family and friends all he could see ahead was a lifetime of facing a world filled with hate and violence, going from one assault to another. He was 17 years old - an age when kids are supposed to be excited about moving out into the world as adults. The only place he felt safe was at home. He saw no hope, so he chose to end his life.
(Written by his mother : http://www.youth-guard.org/gabi/index.html )
MY CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
by Wanda Bencke
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
with tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular; please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it's beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away. We really aren't apart.
So, be happy for me dear ones, for you know I'm spending Christmas with Jesus this year.
I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above:
"My undying love!"
After all, "love" is the gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other as my Father said to do,
for I can't count the many blessings or love He has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I'm spending Christmas with Jesus this year.
•.�♥ �.• Missed•.�♥ �.•
•.�♥ �.•Missed in the morning of everyday•.�♥ �.•
•.�♥ �.•Missed in the evening as light fades away•.�♥
•.�♥ �.•Missed in a thousand and one million ways•.�♥ �
•.�♥ �.•Around every corner a memory stays•.�♥ �.•
•.�♥ �.•Sad are the hearts that miss you•.�♥ �.•
•.�♥ �.•Silent the tears that fall•.�♥ �.•
•.�♥ �.•Living our lives without you•.�♥ �.•
•.�♥ �.•Is the hardest part of all•.�♥ �.•
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♥*♥ I Have A Precious Angel ♥*♥ I've Loved Right From The Start ♥*♥ A Bond So Very Special ♥*♥ Living Deep Inside My Heart ♥*♥ xx Love Always, Jessie. xxx
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Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and scream
and repeatedly ask “why.”
At time, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,
so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away
Or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears
And sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey
Not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story.
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart
And shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?
By Jill B. Englar
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♥ A silent prayer ♥ A kiss of gold ♥ And all the love ♥ This candle can hold ♥
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♥ A silent prayer ♥ A kiss of gold ♥ And all the love ♥ This candle can hold ♥ love always jessie.xxx
EACH OF YOU A SPECIAL GIFT
Each of you was a gift from God,
and not for us to own,
We were chosen to love you
and take care of you till
God called you home.
We did our best to care for you
bring you up with good sense,
tried to hold onto to your youth
and your innocence.
but as you grew we realized,
that soon you’d have to leave,
and make your own way in this world,
and a future weave.
We did not know the hour
when God would call you home,
some were called before their birth,
some when they were grown.
But when the hour came and
you left this earth for good,
The pain was so un-bearable
as we knew it would.
So all us grieving Parents
help each other through,
by lighting all our candles
and sending our love you.
One day the hour will come again,
this time to take us home,
to a place called heaven
our rich & spiritual home.
there we'll be re-united
with our Family,
then all of us will live forever in
perfect harmony.
So I myself thank God above
for sending you to me,
for every second was so precious
and now means the world to me.
Lord, it was such an honor
that you sent my Son to me,
I didn't realize the privilege that it was going to be,
a Mother to your child, my son
that you had given me.
I loved him really loved him,
as all G.T.S. Families do,
And we now have to keep them in our heart
and in our memory. and put our trust in you,
for your word say's we shall meet again,
in heaven and live together for all eternity.
So 'till come that day give us the strength and courage,
to live each day for you,
and do our best to live our lives in gratitude to you.
~~~unknown
~~~~~~~ Together At Last ~~~~~~~
Today as the wind whistled through the trees
I thought I heard an angel call
I stood and listened as I felt the breeze
Carry the voice of this angel though the trees
Her voice said don’t worry, don’t you fear
I bring a message from one who’s dear
He said to tell you not to cry
His souls with God it did not die
When your time on earth is through
And your life here is past
He’ll be at heavens gate to welcome you
Then you’ll both be together forever at last
Copyright� Ingrid Aspey 2009
My Son
Twilight draws ever closer
Through the window pane;
I look to heaven in hopes to see
Your smiling face again.
Memories, sweet memories
Are what keep you near;
These I treasure with all my heart--
I hold them all so dear.
Remembering the love we shared
And how it was taken away;
We never got to say goodbye
On that fateful day.
One day we'll be together again--
As I gaze up to the sky,
I thought that I could see you there,
Learning how to fly.
~Lian Gell
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