Bill Clayton

Bill came out to us as bisexual when he was 14. He was afraid to tell us, because he knew that other
kids had told their parents and that their parents had disowned them or reacted in other ways that
were frightening.
On the way to the third support group meeting, he had met a man from the group who was 20 years old
and who told Bill he was a member of another support group for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered
youth. He talked Bill into getting off the bus to go to his house "to borrow a book". When they got
there he made Bill have sex with him. Bill was only a 14 year old kid who didn't expect this, didn't
know what to do, and he was unable to stop it. He came home that day and pretended he had gone to
that meeting because he didn't want to admit to anyone - especially himself - what had happened.
It took the police a long time to find the man. When they finally questioned him he confessed to
exactly what Bill had said. Then he got a lawyer, plead not guilty at his arraignment, and managed
to avoid jail and court until a month after Bill died. (He finally went to prison for 13 months.)
So, Bill would see him around town -- which aggravated the post-traumatic stress he was in
counseling for. There were times when Bill would suddenly take a nose dive into severe depression
for no apparent reason. Later we would find out that it was because he had seen this man on the bus
or at the movies. Bill was so depressed and suicidal at one point that he spent some time in the
hospital.
On April 6, 1995, Sam and his girlfriend, Jenny, were walking with Bill near their high school to
Jenny's house to watch a video they had rented. Four guys -- one of whom knew Bill and Sam because
he was in the same high school (and had gone to their middle school before that) -- followed them in
a car and yelled things I will not repeat related to sexual orientation. Bill and his friends
ignored them and decided to walk through the high school campus, thinking it would be safer because
the gate was closed. The four guys drove off, but they parked the car nearby, because the next thing
Bill and his friends knew, they came up on foot and surrounded them. They said "You wanna fight?"
Bill, Sam and Jenny tried to walk away -- they didn't want to fight at all.
The four then brutally assaulted Bill and Sam, kicking and beating them both into unconsciousness
while Jenny screamed at them to stop. It was broad daylight during Spring break.

When they regained consciousness a minute after the attackers left; Bill, Sam and Jenny ran to the
school custodian's office and called the police and then their families. They were taken to the
emergency room where we met them. Bill had abrasions and bruises. They thought he might have kidney
damage, but he didn't. Sam was a mess too, with a broken nose and many bruises.
We thought he was going to make it - he seemed to handle things really well until after the rally,
and then he crashed back into depression. He was suicidal again - it was too much. The assault sent
him right back into the place he had fought so hard to get out of. He suddenly became depressed and
suicidal, and we had to put him in the hospital again. While he was in the hospital he heard that a
friend of his was gay-bashed at school in a nearby town.

After about 10 days he came home. We and his doctors in the hospital thought he had gotten past
being suicidal. But Bill took a massive overdose on May 8th. Alec found him unconscious on the
kitchen floor and had him rushed to the hospital, but they couldn't save him.

He didn't leave a suicide note, but he had said to me before he was hospitalized after the rally
that he was just tired of coping. It was the constant knowledge that at any time he could be
attacked again simply because of who he was, that at any time his friends could be attacked for the
same reason, that despite the love of his family and friends all he could see ahead was a lifetime
of facing a world filled with hate and violence, going from one assault to another. He was 17 years
old - an age when kids are supposed to be excited about moving out into the world as adults. The
only place he felt safe was at home. He saw no hope, so he chose to end his life.
(Written by his mother : http://www.youth-guard.org/gabi/index.html )